As soon as Haus sold in 2022, people have been asking me what I will build next.
That is understandable. A lot of doors open to you as a second-time founder, especially when you have a sale under your belt. It’s astronomically easier to raise money. You can utilize the vast network you built the first time around. You can take everything you learned with you—both what to do and what to never do again.
While I’m deeply grateful for the experience of being a founder, as well as my 15 years in Silicon Valley, I have decided to hang up my hat.
As some of you know, I was diagnosed with PTSD after selling Haus. My symptoms were so severe that I could not work or socialize for 1.5 years. I talked myself out of suicide on a weekly basis. My mom moved to California to help me raise my daughter.
For those 1.5 years, I spent my days studying every modality of psychology and spirituality I could get my hands on, in hopes that something could make me get better. I explored Western methods, from psychology literature to EMDR, as well as Eastern and Indigenous methods, from plant medicine to meditation. And, while no particular thing saved me, everything in combination did.
I also began writing. A therapist suggested it, and when I started, I couldn’t stop. I have since written over 1.8 million words—the equivalent of 18 novels—and I continue to write privately every day. It’s unclear whether I’ll ever do anything with the material, but I do know that writing played a huge role in saving my life and bringing me back to good health.
The path out of this place was difficult, but also remarkably valuable. It ultimately changed the course of my life. So much so, that I've decided to dedicate myself to this work full time, starting with going back to grad school to get a dual MA/MFA in East West Psychology and Writing from CIIS.
If you’re into psychology, philosophy, or spirituality, CIIS is an educational mecca with a deep history. Previous graduate students include Michael Murphy and Dick Price, co-founders of the Esalen Institute. CIIS also created the first university-affiliated psychedelics research center and training program.
I'll study for three years, graduating when I'm 40. What will I do then? I don't know. But I've never known. Everything I've created has emerged from many years of study, observation and life experience, and it has all been deeply personal. And so, now I will begin my next phase of study, and eventually I'll see what comes of it. Something always does.
Thanks for reading and love you all.
Helena
